01.02.08 (3:26 pm) posted by Genia
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I just read a letter to
Raymone Johnson (About.com's Gay Life editor) from a straight girl whose exboyfriend is gay and wants to be friends.
Mad as Heck writes:
I am a straight
female who is just ending a five year relationship with
my boyfriend who is now coming to terms with either being
bisexual or gay. I am furious with him! Over the course of
the past year and a half I have given him several opportunities
to tell me that he wasn't happy. He's been lying to everyone
in his life. Everyone is telling me to support him but
I don't know if I can do that right now. While this is
something that certainly must be hard to deal with -
he's had many years to come to grips with it. Meanwhile
I have been planning out my future with the stupid jerk.
Now I hate him and don't want to. He would like to be friends
but he has been telling so many lies to so many people that
I will never know if he is actually telling the truth or not.
Any suggestions on how to deal?
That girl is a bitch! If I were her exboyfriend, I would be happy to be rid of her. I'm analyzing her letter and a few things jump out at me.
First, she says she gave him several opportunities in the past 18 months
to tell her he wasn't happy. If she could tell he wasn't happy, why was she waiting for him to break the news?
Second, she
states, "I have been planning out my future with this stupid jerk." She said "my" future, not "our" future.
She sounds a bit self-absorbed and selfish to me. I imagine a lot of people would have a difficult time communicating with someone who is that
self-absorbed.
And lastly, she says, "While this is something that certainly must be hard to deal with - he's had many years to come to grips with it."
Mad as Heck has decided that she -- a self-proclaimed straight girl -- knows when it's time for a gay person to come out the closet. I'm glad she knows
because there's hundreds of thousands of gay people who don't have the first clue when it's the right time to come out the closet.
Mad as Heck should count her blessings. She learned her exboyfriend is gay before he became her husband; there's no need for a nasty divorce and she'll never
have to tell her kids that Daddy's a homosexual. She should really talk to all the exwives and exhusbands who have had to end what they thought were happy marriages when
they learned their spouse was a homosexual.
So many gays and lesbians hide in heterosexual relationships because we don't know when (or how) to come to terms with our true identity.
In the past 5 years or so, George W. Bush and his GOP groupies have created an environment of fear and hostility for homosexuals. We've feared losing
our civil rights; we've feared losing our dignity; and we've feared growing hostility from religious fundamentalists who were
doing nothing more than using the LGBT community
as a distraction for Bush's failed war in Iraq.
A question comes to mind as I finish this post: how could Mad as Heck not know her man was a homosexual? I shake my head in
disbelief when I see a straight girl
dating a guy who is so obviously gay; he's so flamin' he could light up New York City for days. Let's forget about all the gay stereotypes
(one of which I just used) and assume that if a couple had the communication they should have,
one would know sooner (rather than later) that her partner is a homosexual. My exhusband knew very early in our relationship that even though
I didn't think I was gay, I certainly didn't
believe I was straight either. Coming out to him was no big surprise -- for either of us.
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