What an ironic thing to see: a post about Liberal men -- and their performance in bed -- posted on a lesbian blog. Who said this blog wasn't inclusive?!
The Donkey in the Bedroom
An anonymous GQ writer has composed 10 reasons why Republicans are the best party in bed. I beg to differ:
10 REASONS WHY LIBERAL MEN ARE BETTER IN BED
1. Conscience! A liberal man knows it’s not all about him. His getting off is contingent on yours. You don’t have to make him pancakes to get him to go down on you.
2. Tears! Liberal men cry— just not during sex. They acknowledge that there are some things worth getting weepy about, such as everything the federal government has done in the past six years.
3. A sense of perspective. A good liberal man realizes that what goes on in politics does have an impact on what goes on in the bedroom. (Even though you don’t have to talk about it in bed.) This is in stark contrast to the Republican man, who can’t understand how his support for anti-choice politicians could possibly impact your sex life. While it may have been fun to sit on a Republican man the night before, it’s his fault you’ll have a hard time getting your Plan B prescription filled the next day.
4. A sense of humor. Republican men may laugh at jokes, but liberal men are better at making jokes. Case in point: Jon Stewart. They didn’t ask a conservative comedian to host the Academy Awards. (Are there any conservative comedians?)
5. Foreplay. Liberal men are so intellectually sexy that everything is foreplay. Republicans might get started in the cab after dinner, but the liberal man’s in-depth knowledge of (and vehement opposition to) various state-level abortion restrictions has got me all hot and bothered before we’ve ordered our entrees.
6. Size. It is absolutely, positively, 100 percent true that Republicans are bigger dicks who trigger the gag reflex. [I love this one!]
7. Efficiency. See #5.
8. Largesse. Liberal men will never drag you to a restaurant you don’t like, order your meal for you, and then leave a terrible tip. If they do pay for your dinner, they’ll never demand a blow job in return. (But they were such great conversationalists at dinner, you’ll probably be into fellatio, anyway.)
9. Wooing techniques. Liberal men do indeed send emails and text messages that say things like "I can’t wait to eat your pussy." Unlike Republicans, they actually mean it.
10. Nightstand reading. You will never find a Republican reading She Comes First. Liberal men understand you want to be with someone who knows how to find your clit.
Note how The Elephant in the Bedroom -- the story about Republicans being better in bed, starts out with the declaration that Democrats are "better human beings in general." I suppose if that woman (an anonymous writer -- ha!) just wants to be fucked like a nasty whore, she might want to work on her communication skills with the Democrats. Writing such an interesting story under the guise of anonymity tells me that she has a few communication issues in the bedroom.
