It's 1:00 am and I'm up -- drinking ginger ale and taking 2 percocet and 1 vicoden. I broke my ankle at work and had to have surgery on Thursday. I broke it good, too -- so good, I'll be setting off alarms at the airport for awhile. I now have a metal plate where a healthy bone used to be.
Ok, so what lessons did I learn here?
1. Snow boots are no good on a sheet of ice.
2. The owner of the company where I work really is an asshole. "Were you wearing boots?" he asks the second he sees me completing a worker's compensation accident report. "I'm so sorry to hear about your bad luck" would have been a more appropriate response.
3. Fuck buddies make lousy bedside companions when you really need a friend.
4. Percocet = bad. Vicodin = good. REEEEEEAL GOOD.
5. Children make the best bedside nurses. My children do anyway.
6. Nurses never look as hot in real life as they do on television.
7. I am the biggest fuckin' baby when I don't feel well.
8. I really need to marry a hot physical therapist -- kinda like the one who taught me how to go up and down stairs using my crutches. She.was.FINE.
9. Hospital food is horrid. 'course I knew that already.
10. Porn is the worst thing to watch while waiting for your pain meds to kick in.
Well, I'm heading back to my thrift store recliner, the one I bought so I could sleep downstairs instead of struggling to get back upstairs to my bed. I feel my pain meds taking over.
